Monday, November 21, 2005
Moving On....
I have been packing up my room for the past 2 weekends. In the midst of clearing things up, I actually had time to reflect on myself, the events that have happened in my life so far, memories etc. And in the process, remind myself to set certain resolutions (yeah, it ain't new year yet, but heck!).
For one, I realize that I am such a hoarder!!!! Feng Shui practitioners will probably say that I am a source of negative energy. I can almost hear them go "Tsk tsk, so much junk! So much negative energy, no new positive energy can come in. No wonder got no luck lah". I prefer to call myself a sentimentalist! Ha ha... I actually kept letters, Christmas cards, New year cards, birthday cards from all my friends from Secondary school days! All in a big black box! I even kept the Christmas cards that Kame drew (it always had a turtle somewhere). I read each and everyone of them (now u know why it's taking such a long time to clear just my room). I chanced upon a few cards from a crush from school... on hindsight, could he have had feelings for me and I didn't know it? He sent me Christmas cards and New Year cards for at least 3 years! Damn! Was it an opportunity lost? Oh well... kinda late for that. But if I had realized, I doubt my life would be like that now. It would've gone a totally different path.
I also took the opportunity to write down the return addresses of some of my ex-classmates. I am not sure if they are still living at the stated addresses now, but it is the only way to get connected again. No harm trying I guess.. I will probably begin my letter with: "Hi, I am looking for so-and-so. If u r not so-and-so, I'm sorry to disturb you, do you want to be friends? (kidding) If you are so-and-so, where have you been??? I would like to reconnect with you"
Other things I found include the O Level Papers for my year. I took a quick glance through them and concluded that I am getting dumber and dumber with each passing year... I couldn't phanthom the A Maths questions at all; was totally clueless with the Physics one; completely lost in the Literature one... you get my drift. I was just wondering: wow... I could actually answer all those questions in the past? Why am I such a moron now? What cemented that fact was another essay which I found. Apparently I wrote that when I was in poly and the subject was on Racial tolerance. And I was amazed at how I wrote. So different. So eloquent. So righteous. Wow... did I actually write all that???? What happened to that part of me? Well, all I can say is, people change as they grow. I believe I certainly did, in one way or another.
Also found my secondary school report book. In most of the comments from the form teacher it would go "She is capable of doing better", "there is room for improvement". That's neither good nor bad news. In a class, either you were extremely creative, well behaved, exceptional teacher's pet would you be remembered. On the flip side, you can be remembered as being extremely notorious. So I probably belonged to the middle majority. The kind that keeps a low profile. Because teachers probably can't remember much about you so they put that kind of statement. After all, everyone has room for improvement right?
Hmm.. another few more days and I will be moving. It's a mixture of excitement and sadness. Excitement because it's a new environment. It's also a good opportunity to create new habits (top on my list: to try keep everything in place). Then, there's that undeniable tinge of sadness as well. I have been living in this house for 17 years now. And it has been witness to a lot of my growing up. From Primary till Uni. A lot of things have happened. And I will have to let go a lot of things that I am familiar with. That's the sad part. That's probably one of the reasons why I haven't been able to sleep well too.
It's going to be yet another restless night....
For one, I realize that I am such a hoarder!!!! Feng Shui practitioners will probably say that I am a source of negative energy. I can almost hear them go "Tsk tsk, so much junk! So much negative energy, no new positive energy can come in. No wonder got no luck lah". I prefer to call myself a sentimentalist! Ha ha... I actually kept letters, Christmas cards, New year cards, birthday cards from all my friends from Secondary school days! All in a big black box! I even kept the Christmas cards that Kame drew (it always had a turtle somewhere). I read each and everyone of them (now u know why it's taking such a long time to clear just my room). I chanced upon a few cards from a crush from school... on hindsight, could he have had feelings for me and I didn't know it? He sent me Christmas cards and New Year cards for at least 3 years! Damn! Was it an opportunity lost? Oh well... kinda late for that. But if I had realized, I doubt my life would be like that now. It would've gone a totally different path.
I also took the opportunity to write down the return addresses of some of my ex-classmates. I am not sure if they are still living at the stated addresses now, but it is the only way to get connected again. No harm trying I guess.. I will probably begin my letter with: "Hi, I am looking for so-and-so. If u r not so-and-so, I'm sorry to disturb you, do you want to be friends? (kidding) If you are so-and-so, where have you been??? I would like to reconnect with you"
Other things I found include the O Level Papers for my year. I took a quick glance through them and concluded that I am getting dumber and dumber with each passing year... I couldn't phanthom the A Maths questions at all; was totally clueless with the Physics one; completely lost in the Literature one... you get my drift. I was just wondering: wow... I could actually answer all those questions in the past? Why am I such a moron now? What cemented that fact was another essay which I found. Apparently I wrote that when I was in poly and the subject was on Racial tolerance. And I was amazed at how I wrote. So different. So eloquent. So righteous. Wow... did I actually write all that???? What happened to that part of me? Well, all I can say is, people change as they grow. I believe I certainly did, in one way or another.
Also found my secondary school report book. In most of the comments from the form teacher it would go "She is capable of doing better", "there is room for improvement". That's neither good nor bad news. In a class, either you were extremely creative, well behaved, exceptional teacher's pet would you be remembered. On the flip side, you can be remembered as being extremely notorious. So I probably belonged to the middle majority. The kind that keeps a low profile. Because teachers probably can't remember much about you so they put that kind of statement. After all, everyone has room for improvement right?
Hmm.. another few more days and I will be moving. It's a mixture of excitement and sadness. Excitement because it's a new environment. It's also a good opportunity to create new habits (top on my list: to try keep everything in place). Then, there's that undeniable tinge of sadness as well. I have been living in this house for 17 years now. And it has been witness to a lot of my growing up. From Primary till Uni. A lot of things have happened. And I will have to let go a lot of things that I am familiar with. That's the sad part. That's probably one of the reasons why I haven't been able to sleep well too.
It's going to be yet another restless night....
# posted by Xallista @ 12:27 PM 
