Saturday, June 03, 2006
A time to remember
Death has been on my mind recently. Kame's friend just died in an accident. Clearly, Kame was quite shocked by her sudden departure. That friend was after all, only 28. Still young and full of vibrancy. And Kame just talked to her recently. A life, just snuffed out like that.
Ah... death... It brought me back to a friend who passed away just as suddenly when I was in Secondary school. I was very close to this boy. He was my next door neighbour at my old place and we spent a lot of time together. We went to the same school and took the same bus to school and back. We played basketball in our free time. I still remember an incident where he accidently hit me with a basketball. The knock on the head was painful and I just sat there crying. I guess he felt bad. And he actually took the basketball, offered it to me, and told me to hit him on the head with it. And surprisingly, i took up the offer. Yeah... I took up the offer... Gosh... the knock on the head must have been hard, for me to do that. Looking back, it's just plain amusing.
He was also a regular over at my house, especially on Saturdays. Him, my bro and myself would battle it out over our Famicom sets. We also had the company of Hyena and Black Adder. Many months were spent playing Mario, Street Fighter, Legend of Mana and Zelda. He came over so often, that my parents always called him "the boy next door". We read the same comics and exchanged them as well. Needless to say, Slam Dunk was our bible at that time.
The turning point came in Secondary 3. Prior to that, we weren't in the same class, he was just next door to my class. But in Sec 3, his class and mine merged for Chinese lessons. But it was also in Sec 3 that he moved out from the house. I guess with only his Mum and him in such a big house (his dad's always in Malaysia), they decided to move to somewhere smaller? Nonetheless, we still met up in school, played and talked, albeit our time together was lesser.
His death happened in Sec 4 during the 1 week September holidays. It was announced over morning assembly when school started and the news just took the wind out of me. I can remember the words clearly till this day: "He passed away suddenly"... Passed away suddenly? What the hell? Denial set in. It's got to be a joke. Wrong person. I just saw him earlier that week in school for remedial class. What do you mean he's dead? Reality hit only in Chinese class. He didn't appear at his seat. Staring into the empty space, that was when I really knew he was gone. Really really gone. I remember going home that day after a dazed day at school, locking myself up in my room and just crying.
The rest of the week didn't fare any better. The search for answers began. But no one could provide the answers. I didn't know his new address to ask his Mum. The school only said that he suddenly had an onset of high fever. He was sent to hospital but the doctor couldn't diagnose what it was. And he died, just like that. That sliver of information didn't provide the closure that I needed. Matter were made worse by the reaction of other classmates. They didn't seem to be too concerned about his death. Me on the other hand was still struggling to come to terms with it. My friends didn't seem to understand why it hit me so hard.
Did I like him? Maybe I did. He did have his irritating moments which i couldn't take. But nonetheless, he was still a friend. A companion. Someone who meant a lot to me. I didn't know why he had to die so young? Till this day, I wonder, what would he have been if he had been given the chance to live? What would he be like now? Would we have grown closer or further apart? But of course.. these would just remain as questions, cos there is no one who can answer me.
As the saying goes, you just dun appreciate them till they are gone, be it your parents or your friends that you take for granted... petty arguements, misunderstandings and miscommunications just add to it. Sometimes, you have to just dive deeper into things and take the first step to find out what's wrong. Look at the bigger picture. Could I have spent more time with him? I could have but I didn't. Did I notice that there may have been something wrong with him when I met him? I didn't notice. Could I have prevented his death? Maybe I could if I had been more vigilant.
Rest in peace Junxian. I miss you.
Ah... death... It brought me back to a friend who passed away just as suddenly when I was in Secondary school. I was very close to this boy. He was my next door neighbour at my old place and we spent a lot of time together. We went to the same school and took the same bus to school and back. We played basketball in our free time. I still remember an incident where he accidently hit me with a basketball. The knock on the head was painful and I just sat there crying. I guess he felt bad. And he actually took the basketball, offered it to me, and told me to hit him on the head with it. And surprisingly, i took up the offer. Yeah... I took up the offer... Gosh... the knock on the head must have been hard, for me to do that. Looking back, it's just plain amusing.
He was also a regular over at my house, especially on Saturdays. Him, my bro and myself would battle it out over our Famicom sets. We also had the company of Hyena and Black Adder. Many months were spent playing Mario, Street Fighter, Legend of Mana and Zelda. He came over so often, that my parents always called him "the boy next door". We read the same comics and exchanged them as well. Needless to say, Slam Dunk was our bible at that time.
The turning point came in Secondary 3. Prior to that, we weren't in the same class, he was just next door to my class. But in Sec 3, his class and mine merged for Chinese lessons. But it was also in Sec 3 that he moved out from the house. I guess with only his Mum and him in such a big house (his dad's always in Malaysia), they decided to move to somewhere smaller? Nonetheless, we still met up in school, played and talked, albeit our time together was lesser.
His death happened in Sec 4 during the 1 week September holidays. It was announced over morning assembly when school started and the news just took the wind out of me. I can remember the words clearly till this day: "He passed away suddenly"... Passed away suddenly? What the hell? Denial set in. It's got to be a joke. Wrong person. I just saw him earlier that week in school for remedial class. What do you mean he's dead? Reality hit only in Chinese class. He didn't appear at his seat. Staring into the empty space, that was when I really knew he was gone. Really really gone. I remember going home that day after a dazed day at school, locking myself up in my room and just crying.
The rest of the week didn't fare any better. The search for answers began. But no one could provide the answers. I didn't know his new address to ask his Mum. The school only said that he suddenly had an onset of high fever. He was sent to hospital but the doctor couldn't diagnose what it was. And he died, just like that. That sliver of information didn't provide the closure that I needed. Matter were made worse by the reaction of other classmates. They didn't seem to be too concerned about his death. Me on the other hand was still struggling to come to terms with it. My friends didn't seem to understand why it hit me so hard.
Did I like him? Maybe I did. He did have his irritating moments which i couldn't take. But nonetheless, he was still a friend. A companion. Someone who meant a lot to me. I didn't know why he had to die so young? Till this day, I wonder, what would he have been if he had been given the chance to live? What would he be like now? Would we have grown closer or further apart? But of course.. these would just remain as questions, cos there is no one who can answer me.
As the saying goes, you just dun appreciate them till they are gone, be it your parents or your friends that you take for granted... petty arguements, misunderstandings and miscommunications just add to it. Sometimes, you have to just dive deeper into things and take the first step to find out what's wrong. Look at the bigger picture. Could I have spent more time with him? I could have but I didn't. Did I notice that there may have been something wrong with him when I met him? I didn't notice. Could I have prevented his death? Maybe I could if I had been more vigilant.
Rest in peace Junxian. I miss you.
# posted by Xallista @ 7:45 PM 
