Saturday, October 14, 2006
Reality Check
This week has been a week full of reality checks. Nothing kicks it off better than a death of a childhood friend. What makes it worse is the situation that he died. Freak accident. From what i hear among the chatter of the elders, he was helping out a friend that fateful day. As he was trying to open a barrel at the top of a container, he lost his footing and fell. Went into a coma and he never woke up. After 10 days, the family had to make the excrutiating decision of putting him off the respitory machine.
His parents hung out with my parents, and for that matter, Black Adder and Hyena's parents as well. Literally our parents whole ching gang. Everyone knew everyone, so we always met during the regular majong sessions that my parents held at our place every Sat night. The parents will be playing mahjong (trust me, it looked like a gambling den in those days with about 3 tables or more), while the kids self-entertained by jumping on the sofas, cycling around with bikes, playing with the beach ball etc. The usual.
Black Adder and I can never forget that particular occasion where we younger as kids, playing with the beach ball. Staying in a semi-detached house then, the beach ball we were playing with went over into the neighbour's garden. As we huddled to think of how to retrieve the ball (and at the same time think of a lame excuse to tell our parents), he being 8 years older than us, climbed the fence, jumped over, threw the ball back, clamoured back and gave the ball back to us. We were of course, needless to say, estatic (saved our asses and yet we can still play). On hindsight, Black Adder and I agreed that he was one of the first guy figures we looked up to (and of course secretly harboured a crush on).
And so it was extremely surreal to see his body in a coffin. What made it even more sad, was that he left behind 2 kids and his wife. Come to think of it... he did a Steve Irwin. At the wake, his children were running around, playing. I wonder if they understand what really happened to their Dad? As for his parents, the uncle and auntie who I always see, it was the first time that I saw them so aged and tired. They have always been jovial and friendly and they continued to be so at the wake. But despite their strong front, they can't seem to hide the fatigue. In a way, i know they must be relieved that he passed on, with no more suffering, but it's an extremely painful decision to make. To give up hope and in a way pulling the plug on your own son. To see him expire by the hour after he is taken off the machine, I feel that no parent should have to go through such a situation nor be made to make such a decision in the first place.
His sister seems to be more affected by the whole thing. She's also another childhood friend. I can tell she's been crying. And what makes it worse was: the day before the accident happened, he had asked her if she wanted to go shopping. She declined because she was tired. Who would have known that that would be the last she hear of him? And to see your own brother in a coffin... it's painful.
The second reality check came in the form of a financial advisor. I met up with him from a friend's recommendation. Interesting guy. The first financial advisor who cut to the chase, suan me like no one's business, and made me see a lot of contradictions in my life. He asked me a series of questions to get a better understanding of me... and he would counter me with other questions. Take for example, he asked me what do i think I would be 5 years from now? I said that preferably married with kids and living a comfortable life. Then along the way, i mentioned that i wanted to start my own business before I am 40. He literally jumped at me: are you sure? Assume that you are married 5 years from now, are u willing to take that risk? Will your family be willing to take that risk with you? That certainly made me rethink my priorities.
He also asked what's the greatest emergency to me? And after I answered that, it was to be struck down by a terminal illness or some sort of disability, he gave me a reality check on how much I have to spend should that happen to me (20k a month). And when I mentioned that i wanted to retire at 50, he asked how long do i think i would live? When i replied 65, he laughed and suaned me. The average female life expectancy for females has increased to 81 by the way.. so i was way off the meter. He questioned me: so would you rather be prudent and provide till u r 90? Or provide only till 65 and then pick up cardboard boxes for a living? Ouch. He also calculated how much i would need to retire at 50 (assuming I am single or a single mum), with inflation, future value etc etc... 24 mil! *faint*.
At the end of it all, I signed up for an insurance plan, also investment plans using my CPF and changed my medishield policy. No doubt the insurance plan is expensive, but after being at my friends wake, i know that should something happen to me, my family has something to fall back on. I do not want to be a burden to them. And as for my CPF, they're sitting in the bank earning minimal interest anyway. might as well make use of it.
So before you think I just got conned into another sales pitch, he's not pushy. He is not with any particular firm. He does a comparison of all the insurance plans, let's you know the pros and cons of each and u make the decision. And even when i told him that I have a sum of money i was thinking of investing, he told me not to. That sum of money should be for my own liquidity. So yeah, he's not all out to squeeze money out of me.
The third reality check concerns friends. When I was much younger, I did a lot of stuff for friends. A lot. Sometimes it seems like I was at their beck and call. And sometimes to the extent that my parents felt that i was being taken advantage of. They probably think I am silly for doing so much for people who don't seem to appreciate it. But that's just me. If you are my friend I will do the best I can for you. Those who are closest to me will know that. I dun need to specify what i do, cos they know. I have a great bunch of friends (*ahem* must put disclaimer wat). But somehow recently, that feeling of being taken advantage at my expense is creeping up again. I dunno why. Should I subscribe to the age old adage of: those who treat you well, treat them doubly well. Those who treat you badly, treat them twice as badly? i dunno... too tired to think. Maybe it's because the week hasn't been ideal. With work being a pain in the ass..... zzz
His parents hung out with my parents, and for that matter, Black Adder and Hyena's parents as well. Literally our parents whole ching gang. Everyone knew everyone, so we always met during the regular majong sessions that my parents held at our place every Sat night. The parents will be playing mahjong (trust me, it looked like a gambling den in those days with about 3 tables or more), while the kids self-entertained by jumping on the sofas, cycling around with bikes, playing with the beach ball etc. The usual.
Black Adder and I can never forget that particular occasion where we younger as kids, playing with the beach ball. Staying in a semi-detached house then, the beach ball we were playing with went over into the neighbour's garden. As we huddled to think of how to retrieve the ball (and at the same time think of a lame excuse to tell our parents), he being 8 years older than us, climbed the fence, jumped over, threw the ball back, clamoured back and gave the ball back to us. We were of course, needless to say, estatic (saved our asses and yet we can still play). On hindsight, Black Adder and I agreed that he was one of the first guy figures we looked up to (and of course secretly harboured a crush on).
And so it was extremely surreal to see his body in a coffin. What made it even more sad, was that he left behind 2 kids and his wife. Come to think of it... he did a Steve Irwin. At the wake, his children were running around, playing. I wonder if they understand what really happened to their Dad? As for his parents, the uncle and auntie who I always see, it was the first time that I saw them so aged and tired. They have always been jovial and friendly and they continued to be so at the wake. But despite their strong front, they can't seem to hide the fatigue. In a way, i know they must be relieved that he passed on, with no more suffering, but it's an extremely painful decision to make. To give up hope and in a way pulling the plug on your own son. To see him expire by the hour after he is taken off the machine, I feel that no parent should have to go through such a situation nor be made to make such a decision in the first place.
His sister seems to be more affected by the whole thing. She's also another childhood friend. I can tell she's been crying. And what makes it worse was: the day before the accident happened, he had asked her if she wanted to go shopping. She declined because she was tired. Who would have known that that would be the last she hear of him? And to see your own brother in a coffin... it's painful.
The second reality check came in the form of a financial advisor. I met up with him from a friend's recommendation. Interesting guy. The first financial advisor who cut to the chase, suan me like no one's business, and made me see a lot of contradictions in my life. He asked me a series of questions to get a better understanding of me... and he would counter me with other questions. Take for example, he asked me what do i think I would be 5 years from now? I said that preferably married with kids and living a comfortable life. Then along the way, i mentioned that i wanted to start my own business before I am 40. He literally jumped at me: are you sure? Assume that you are married 5 years from now, are u willing to take that risk? Will your family be willing to take that risk with you? That certainly made me rethink my priorities.
He also asked what's the greatest emergency to me? And after I answered that, it was to be struck down by a terminal illness or some sort of disability, he gave me a reality check on how much I have to spend should that happen to me (20k a month). And when I mentioned that i wanted to retire at 50, he asked how long do i think i would live? When i replied 65, he laughed and suaned me. The average female life expectancy for females has increased to 81 by the way.. so i was way off the meter. He questioned me: so would you rather be prudent and provide till u r 90? Or provide only till 65 and then pick up cardboard boxes for a living? Ouch. He also calculated how much i would need to retire at 50 (assuming I am single or a single mum), with inflation, future value etc etc... 24 mil! *faint*.
At the end of it all, I signed up for an insurance plan, also investment plans using my CPF and changed my medishield policy. No doubt the insurance plan is expensive, but after being at my friends wake, i know that should something happen to me, my family has something to fall back on. I do not want to be a burden to them. And as for my CPF, they're sitting in the bank earning minimal interest anyway. might as well make use of it.
So before you think I just got conned into another sales pitch, he's not pushy. He is not with any particular firm. He does a comparison of all the insurance plans, let's you know the pros and cons of each and u make the decision. And even when i told him that I have a sum of money i was thinking of investing, he told me not to. That sum of money should be for my own liquidity. So yeah, he's not all out to squeeze money out of me.
The third reality check concerns friends. When I was much younger, I did a lot of stuff for friends. A lot. Sometimes it seems like I was at their beck and call. And sometimes to the extent that my parents felt that i was being taken advantage of. They probably think I am silly for doing so much for people who don't seem to appreciate it. But that's just me. If you are my friend I will do the best I can for you. Those who are closest to me will know that. I dun need to specify what i do, cos they know. I have a great bunch of friends (*ahem* must put disclaimer wat). But somehow recently, that feeling of being taken advantage at my expense is creeping up again. I dunno why. Should I subscribe to the age old adage of: those who treat you well, treat them doubly well. Those who treat you badly, treat them twice as badly? i dunno... too tired to think. Maybe it's because the week hasn't been ideal. With work being a pain in the ass..... zzz
# posted by Xallista @ 12:43 AM 
